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With mounting bills resulting from various laboratory test, chemical test or bills associated with  other medical testing equipment, and the overall medical bills;  it may appear that dealing with chronic illness in financial terms seems to be limited to family.    But what about the aspect of emotional support during a time of chronic illlness in a familly?

WHAT is chronic illness? Simply put, it is illness that lasts a long time. Additionally, one professor explains chronic illness as “an altered health state that will not be cured by a simple surgical procedure or a short course of medical therapy.” What makes chronic illness or its effects so challenging is not just the nature of the sickness and the treatment but that it has to be endured for so long.

Furthermore, the effects of chronic illness are seldom limited to just the patient. “Most people are part of a family,” states the book Motor Neurone Disease—A Family Affair, “and the shock and anxiety felt by you [the patient] will be shared by those close to you.” This is confirmed by a mother whose daughter had cancer. “Every member of the family is affected,” she says, “whether or not they show it or are aware of it.”

Of course, not everyone will be affected in the same way. However, if family members understand how chronic illness affects people in general, they will likely be better equipped to meet the specific challenges of their particular situation. In addition, if those outside the family circle—workmates, schoolmates, neighbors, friends—understand the impact of chronic illness, they will be better able to provide meaningful and empathetic support. With this in mind, let us look at some ways in which families might be affected by chronic illness.  

Journey Through a Strange Land. A family’s experience with chronic illness could be likened to their taking a journey through a foreign land. While some things will be much the same as they are in the family’s homeland, other things will be unfamiliar or even radically different. When chronic illness afflicts a family member, many things will remain largely unchanged in the family’s life-style. However, some things will be very different.

For a start, the illness itself may impact on the family’s normal routine and force each family member to make adjustments in order to cope. This is confirmed by 14-year-old Helen, whose mother suffers from severe chronic depression. “We adjust our schedule to what Mom can or cannot do on any given day,” she says.

Even the therapy—which is intended to provide relief from the illness—may cause further disruption of the family’s new routine. Consider the example of Braam and Ann, mentioned in the preceding article. “We had to make major adjustments in our daily routine because of our childrens’ therapy,” says Braam. Ann explains: “We were going back and forth to the hospital every day. Then, in addition to that, the doctor recommended that we give the children six small meals a day to compensate for the dietary deficiencies caused by their disease. For me, it was a whole new way of cooking.” An even greater challenge was helping the children to do the prescribed muscle-strengthening exercises. “That,” recalls Ann, “was a daily battle of wills.”

As the patient adjusts to the discomfort—and sometimes the pain—of medical treatment and the scrutiny of medical personnel, he becomes increasingly dependent on the family for practical assistance and emotional support. As a result, not only do family members have to learn new skills to manage the physical care of the patient but they are all compelled to adjust their attitudes, emotions, life-styles, and routines.

Understandably, all these demands increasingly tax the family’s endurance. A mother whose daughter was in a hospital being treated for cancer confirms that it can “be more tiring than anyone else could ever imagine.

“Ongoing Uncertainty“. The continuous ups and downs of chronic illness present a threatening sense of uncertainty,” states Coping With Chronic Illness—Overcoming Powerlessness. Just when family members are adjusting to one set of circumstances, they may be confronted with altered and possibly more difficult ones. Symptoms may be erratic or may suddenly get worse, and therapy may fail to provide anticipated improvement. The treatment may have to be changed periodically or may result in unforeseen complications. As the patient becomes more dependent on the support that the bewildered family may be straining to supply, previously controlled emotions may suddenly explode.

The unpredictable nature of many illnesses and treatments inevitably raises such questions as: How long is this going to continue? How much worse will the illness get? How much more of this can we take? Terminal illness often prompts the ultimate uncertainty—”How long will it be before death strikes?”

The illness, treatment regimens, exhaustion, and uncertainty all combine to bring about another unexpected consequence.

Effects on Social Life. “I had to work through strong feelings of isolation and of being trapped,” explains Kathleen, whose husband suffered from chronic depression. “The situation was relentless,” she continues, “because we were never able to extend or accept invitations to socialize. Eventually, our social contacts were virtually nonexistent.” Like Kathleen, many end up having to cope with feelings of guilt for not being hospitable and not accepting invitations. Why does this happen?

The illness itself or the side effects of the treatment may make it difficult or even impossible to share in social events. The family and the patient may feel that the illness carries with it a social stigma, or they may fear that it will cause embarrassment. Depression may make the patient feel unworthy of previous friendships, or the family may simply not have the energy to socialize. For a variety of reasons, chronic illness can easily result in isolation and loneliness for the entire family.

Furthermore, not everyone will know what to say or how to react around a person with a disability.  “When your child is different from other children, many people tend to stare and make thoughtless remarks,” says Ann. “As it is, you tend to blame yourself for the illness, and their comments only add to your feelings of guilt.” What Ann says touches on something else that families are likely to experience.

Emotions That Wreak Havoc “At the time of diagnosis, most families react with shock, disbelief, and denial,” states one researcher. “It is too much to bear.” Yes, it can be devastating to learn that a loved one has a life-threatening or debilitating illness. A family may feel that their hopes and dreams have been shattered, leaving them with an uncertain future and a deep feeling of loss and grief.

True, for many families that have seen prolonged, distressing symptoms in a family member without knowing the cause, the diagnosis may well provide a sense of relief. But some families may react differently to the diagnosis. A mother in South Africa admits: “It was so painful finally to be told what was wrong with our children that, frankly, I would rather not have heard the diagnosis.”

The book A Special Child in the Family—Living With Your Sick or Disabled Child explains that “it is natural for you to go through an emotional turmoil . . . as you adjust to this new reality. Sometimes your feelings may be so intense that you fear you cannot cope with them.” The author of the book, Diana Kimpton, whose two sons had cystic fibrosis, relates: “I was frightened of my own emotions and I needed to know that it was alright to feel so bad.”

It is not unusual for families to experience fear—fear of the unknown, fear of the illness, fear of the treatment, fear of pain, and fear of death. Children in particular may have many unspoken fears—especially if they are not given logical explanations for what is happening.

Anger too is very common. “Family members,” explains the South African magazine TLC, “may often become the scapegoats for the patient’s anger.” Family members, in turn, may feel angry—with the doctors for not detecting the problem sooner, with themselves for passing on a genetic defect, with the patient for not having looked after himself properly, with Satan the Devil for causing such suffering, or even with God, feeling that he is to blame for the illness. Guilt is another common reaction to chronic illness. “Virtually every parent or sibling of a child with cancer feels guilt,” states the book Children With Cancer—A Comprehensive Reference Guide for Parents.

This maelstrom of emotions often results—to a greater or lesser degree—in depression. “This is probably the most common reaction of all,” writes one researcher. “I have a file full of letters to prove it.”

Yes, Families Can CopeOn the bright side, many families have found that coping with the situation is not nearly as difficult as it first seemed. “The pictures produced by your imagination will be far worse than reality,” assures Diana Kimpton. From personal experience she found that “the future is rarely so black as you imagine it in those early days.” Be assured that other families have survived their journey through the strange land of chronic illness and that you can too. Many have found that simply knowing that others have coped has provided some relief and hope for them.

A family may logically wonder, though, ‘How can we cope?’ The next article will look at some of the ways families have coped with chronic illness.

Families need to care for the patient and adjust their own attitudes, emotions, and life-style

Both patient and family will experience strong emotions

• Learning about the illness and how to cope with it

• Adjusting one’s life-style and daily routine

• Coping with changed social relationships

• Maintaining a sense of normality and control

• Grieving over losses that result from the illness

• Coping with difficult emotions

• Maintaining a positive outlook

Despite advancement in medicine, electronic testing equipment, chemical laboratory testing equipment, clinical testing equipment and related products, humankind are still victim of chronic illnes which often result in death. Coping can be defined as “the ability to deal effectively with and handle the stresses to which one is subjected.” (Taber’s Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary) It involves facing the problems of chronic illness in such a way that you are able to enjoy a measure of control and peace of mind. And in view of the fact that chronic illness is a family affair, the loving and loyal support of eachmember of the family is needed for the family to cope successfully. Let us consider some of the ways families coping with chronic illness.

The Value of Knowledge. It may not be possible to cure the disability, but knowing how to cope can minimize the mental and emotional impact of illness. This is in harmony with an ancient proverb that notes: “A man of knowledge is reinforcing power.” How can a family gain knowledge about how to cope?

The first step is to find a communicative and helpful doctor, one who is willing to take the time to explain everything carefully to the patient and the family. “The ideal doctor,” observes the book A Special Child in the Family, “cares about the whole family as well as having all the necessary medical skills.”

The next step is to keep asking specific questions until you understand the situation as well as you can. Remember, however, that when you are with the doctor, it is easy to get flustered and forget what you wanted to ask. One helpful suggestion is to write down questions in advance. In particular, you may want to know what to expect from the illness and the treatment and what to do about it.

It is particularly important to provide adequate information to the siblings of a chronically ill child. “Explain what is wrong from the earliest days,” recommends one mother. “They can easily feel pushed out of the family circle if they do not understand what is happening.”

Some families have also been able to find useful information by doing research in a local library, at a bookstore, or on the Internet—very often obtaining detailed information on specific illnesses.

Preserving a Reasonable Quality of Life. It is only natural that family members should want to maintain a reasonable quality of life for the patient. Take, for example, Neil du Toit.  He still gets frustrated by the debilitating effects of his disease. Nevertheless, he spends about several hours a month doing what he enjoys doing most—talking to people in his community about his Bible-based hope. “It also gives me inner satisfaction,” he confessed.

Quality of life also includes the ability to show and receive love, to enjoy pleasurable activities, and to sustain hope. Patients would still like to enjoy life to the extent that their illness and treatment will allow. A father whose family has coped with illness for over 25 years explains: “We love the outdoors, but because of my son’s limitations, we can’t go on hikes. So we do it differently. We go to outdoor places that don’t require strenuous activities.”

Yes, patients retain abilities that enable them to derive a degree of satisfaction from life. Depending on the nature of the illness, many can still appreciate beautiful sights and sounds. The more they can feel in control of various aspects of their life, the more likely they are to have a reasonable quality of life.  

Handling Difficult Emotions. An essential part of coping involves learning how to control harmful emotions. One of these is anger. The Bible acknowledges that a person might have cause to be upset. However, it also urges us to be “slow to anger.”  Why is it wise to do so? According to one reference work, anger “can eat away at you and make you bitter or lead you to say hurtful things you later regret.” Even one outburst of anger can cause damage that may take a long time to repair.

The Bible recommends: “Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.”  Obviously, we can do nothing to delay the setting of the sun. But we can take steps to settle our “provoked state” speedily so that we do not continue to do damage to ourselves and others. And you are likely to handle a situation far better once you have calmed down.

Like any family, yours will no doubt experience highs and lows. Many find that they cope better when they can confide in one another or in someone else who is compassionate and empathetic. This was certainly Kathleen’s experience. She first cared for her mother, who had cancer, and later for her husband, who suffered from chronic depression and eventually Alzheimer’s disease. She admits: “It became a source of relief and comfort for me when I could speak with understanding friends.” Rosemary, who cared for her mother for two years, agrees. “Talking to an honest friend,” she says, “helped me keep my balance.”

Do not be surprised, though, if you cannot hold back the tears as you talk. “Crying releases the tensions and pain, and helps you work through your grief,” says the book A Special Child in the Family.

 Maintain a Positive Attitude. “Your will to live can sustain you when you are sick,” wrote wise King Solomon. (Proverbs 18:14, Today’s English Version) Modern researchers have noted that patients’ expectations—whether negative or positive—often tend to influence the outcome of their treatment. How, though, can a family remain optimistic in the face of a long-term illness?

While not ignoring the illness, families cope better when they focus on things that they are still able to do. “The situation can make you totally negative,” admits one father, “but you have to realize that you still have so much. You still have life, one another, and your friends.”

Although chronic illness is not to be taken lightly, a healthy sense of humor helps to prevent a spirit of pessimism. The Du Toit’s ready sense of humor illustrates the point. Collette, Neil du Toit’s youngest sister, explains: “Because we have learned to cope with certain situations, we can laugh at things that happen to us that might seem very upsetting to others. But doing so really helps to relieve the tension.” The Bible assures us that “a heart that is joyful does good as a curer.

“All-Important Spiritual Values. A vital part of spiritual well-being for true Christians involves ‘letting their petitions be made known to God by prayer and supplication.’ The result is as promised in the Bible: “The peace of God that excels all thought will guard your hearts and your mental powers.”  After almost 30 years of caring for two chronically ill children, one mother states: “We have learned that God does help you to cope. He really does sustain you.”

Furthermore, many are fortified by Biblical promises of a paradise earth free of pain and suffering.  “Because of the chronic illnesses our family has faced,” says Braam, “we find added meaning in God’s promise that ‘the lame one will climb up just as a stag does, and the tongue of the speechless one will cry out in gladness.’” Like so many others, the Du Toits eagerly yearn for the time in Paradise when “no resident will say: ‘I am sick.’”

Take heart. The pain and suffering weighing mankind down is in itself part of the evidence that better conditions are imminent.  In the meantime, though, scores of caregivers and patients can testify that Almighty God is, indeed, “the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.”

Listen with empathy. “Be swift about hearing.”  Show concern by being a good listener and allowing family members to unburden themselves if they want to speak. They may be more inclined to do so if they sense that you have “fellow feeling.”  Keep in mind, though, that no two individuals or families respond to chronic illness in the same way. Therefore, “don’t offer advice unless you really know all about the disease or situation,” says Kathleen, who cared for her mother and later her chronically ill husband.  And remember, even if you do have some knowledge of the subject, the patient and the family may decide not to seek out or accept your advice.

Offer practical help. While being sensitive to the family’s need for privacy, be available for them when they really need you. Braam, who has been quoted throughout this series, says: “The help of our Christian friends was tremendous. For example, when we slept over at the hospital because of Michelle’s critical condition, we always had between four and six of our friends sitting with us right through the night. Whenever we needed help, it was there.” Braam’s wife, Ann, adds: “It was a bitterly cold winter, and for two weeks we were given a different soup every day. We were nourished by hot soup and plenty of warm love.”

Pray with them. At times, there may be little or nothing of a practical nature that you can do. However, few things are as encouraging as sharing an upbuilding Scriptural thought or a heartfelt prayer with patients and their families. “Never underestimate the power of praying for—and with—the chronically sick ones and their families,” says 18-year-old Nicolas, whose mother suffers from chronic depression.

Yes, the right kind of support can do much to help families cope with the stress of chronic illness. The Bible puts it this way: “A friend is a loving companion at all times, and a brother is born to share troubles.”—Proverbs 17:17, The New English Bible.

When the Illness Is Terminal. Some families might be reluctant to discuss the impending death of a terminally ill loved one. However, the book Caring—How to Cope states that “if you have some idea of what to expect and what you should do, it may help ease feelings of panic.” Although specific steps will vary depending on local laws and customs, here are some suggestions that the family might consider when nursing a terminally ill loved one at home.

Ahead of Time

“EACH year,” says a report from the Alan Guttmacher Institute, “almost 1 million teenage women . . . become pregnant.” As many as “78% of births to teens occur outside of marriage.”

In days gone by, men felt obliged to take responsibility for the children they fathered. But as the book Teenage Fathers says, “out-of-wedlock pregnancy no longer carries the shame and humiliation it [once] did.” Among young people in some communities, fathering a child may even be viewed as a status symbol! Still, few young men make long-term commitments to the children they sire. Many eventually walk—or run—away.

But can a young man fully escape the consequences of immoral conduct? Not according to the Bible. It warns: “Do not be misled: God is not one to be mocked. For whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap.”  As we will see, sexual immorality often results in lifelong consequences for both girls and boys. Young people can avoid such consequences by heeding the Bible’s clear-cut counsel to avoid sexual immorality.

Walking Away—Not So Easy. Caring for a child involves enormous sacrifices of time, money, and personal freedom. The book Young Unwed Fathers notes: “Some young men are not interested in ‘taking care of somebody else,’ when to do so means having less.” Many pay a high price for their selfishness, however. For one thing, the courts and lawmakers in many lands have taken an increasingly dim view of men who fail to support their children. Once paternity has been legally established, young fathers may be required to pay up for years to come—and rightly so. Many youths are forced to quit school or to work at low-paying jobs to meet such obligations. “The younger the age at parenthood,” says the book School-Age Pregnancy and Parenthood, “the less formal education a father achieves.” And if one fails to make support payments, enormous debts can accrue.

Of course, not all young men are callous toward their offspring. Many start off with good intentions. According to one survey, 75 percent of teen fathers visited their child in the hospital. Still, it isn’t long before most young fathers are overwhelmed by the responsibilities of caring for a child.

Many find that they simply do not have the skill or experience to land suitable employment. Ashamed of their inability to provide financial support, in time they drop out of the picture. Nevertheless, pangs of regret can haunt a young man for years to come. One young father admits: “Sometimes I wonder what has happened to my son. . . . I don’t feel good about leaving [him], but now I’ve lost him. Maybe one day he will find me.

“The Harm Done to Children: Runaway dads may also have to cope with intense feelings of shame—the shame of having done harm to one’s own child. After all, as the Bible indicates, a child needs both a mother and a father.  When a man abandons his child, he exposes his offspring to a host of potential problems. Says a report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: “Young children in single-mother families tend to have lower scores on verbal and math achievement tests. In middle childhood, children raised by a single parent tend to receive lower grades, have more behavior problems, and have higher rates of chronic health and psychiatric disorders. Among adolescents and young adults, being raised in a single-mother family is associated with elevated risks of teenage childbearing, high school dropout, incarceration, and with being neither employed nor in school.”

Concludes the Atlantic Monthly magazine: “According to a growing body of social-scientific evidence, children in families disrupted by divorce and out-of-wedlock birth do worse than children in intact families on several measures of well-being. Children in single-parent families are six times as likely to be poor. They are also likely to stay poor.”

Bear in mind that these risks are based on statistical studies of groups and do not necessarily apply to individuals. Many children turn out to be fine, well-balanced adults despite disadvantaged family backgrounds. Even so, feelings of guilt can weigh heavily on the mind of a young man who has abandoned his child. “I’m afraid I’ve really [messed up] his life forever,” says one unwed father.—Teenage Fathers.

The Challenge of Rendering Support. Not all young fathers are runaway dads. Some young men rightfully do feel a moral obligation toward their children and genuinely want to help in their rearing. Often, though, this is much easier said than done. For one thing, an unwed father may have few legal rights, leaving the girl and her parents to control how much—or how little—contact he can have with his child. “It’s a constant jockeying for position to have some say about the child,” says Jim, quoted at the outset. Decisions may therefore be made that a young father vehemently opposes, such as adoption—or even abortion. “It’s hard for me to let them just give him away to some stranger,” laments one young father, “but I guess I don’t have any other choice.”

Some young men offer to marry the mother of their child. Admittedly, marriage would spare the girl some embarrassment and allow the child to be raised by two parents. It may even be that despite their misconduct, the young couple are genuinely in love. However, the fact that a boy is able to reproduce hardly means that he has the mental and emotional maturity needed to be a husband and father. Nor does it mean that he has the ability to support a wife and child financially. Studies show that marriages precipitated by pregnancy tend to be short-lived. So rushing into marriage is not always a wise solution.

Many young men offer to support their children financially. As mentioned earlier, it takes real determination for a young father to keep up such support over the long haul—perhaps for 18 years or longer! But consistent help along these lines can prevent the mother and the child from living a life of poverty.

What about sharing in the actual raising of the child? This too may prove to be a difficult challenge. Sometimes parents of the couple fear that there may be further sexual involvement and thus try to discourage—or even forbid—the couple from seeing each other. The girl herself may decide that she does not want her child to “bond” with a man who is not her husband. At any rate, if the father is permitted regular contact with his child, families are wise to make sure that visits are well chaperoned, in order to prevent further misconduct.

Desiring to get close to their children, some unwed fathers have learned how to perform some basic parenting tasks, such as bathing, feeding, or reading to their children. A young man who has gained an appreciation for Bible standards may even try to teach his child some of the principles of God’s Word. (Ephesians 6:4) But while some loving attention from a father is doubtless better for a child than none at all, it is simply not the same as having a father who is there every day. And if the mother of the child ever gets married, a young father may have to look on helplessly as another man takes over the job of raising his child.

It is clear, then, that fathering a child out of wedlock leads to much misery—for both the parents and the child. While it may be possible to make the most of a bad situation like teen pregnancy, it should be clear that the best course is to avoid getting involved in immoral conduct in the first place. One young father admits: “Once you father a child out of wedlock, your life will never be the same.” Indeed, a young father may have to live with the consequences of his error for the rest of his life.  Once again the Bible’s counsel has proved wise when it says: “Flee from fornication”. It is best to avoid immoral conduct in the first place.

With the availability of the desktop computer, laptop computer and other cheap computer; and with the extensive computer network in several institutions, couple the numerous  computer online stores, accessability to the internet has become very easy.  So also the danger of the internet chat rooms, especially for the teenagers. PICTURE yourself in the world’s biggest library. Books, newspapers, catalogs, photographs, and recordings of every sort—on virtually every subject—surround you. All the latest information as well as much of the literature of past centuries is at your fingertips.

Computer and the Internet can place such information at your fingertips. It enables a person to sit at his computer and exchange information with other computers and computer users anywhere in the world. It allows users to sell products, to make purchases, to make banking transactions, to converse, to listen to the latest music recordings—all in the privacy of their own home.

Use of the Internet is thus becoming commonplace in many parts of the world. With schools and libraries aggressively promoting its use, millions of young people have access to it. In the United States, nearly 65 percent of youths between the ages of 12 and 19 have already used or subscribed to on-line services.

Properly used, the Internet can be a source of helpful information on the weather, travel, and other subjects. Through it, you can buy books, car parts, and other things. Many use it for schoolwork.

Although the Internet can be useful, it can also seem like a library without librarians or other observers. One can browse it with the feeling that no one else is around. But this is one of the greatest dangers of using the Internet. Why? Because countless Web sites contain material that is morally corrupt and spiritually destructive. Thus, the Internet can expose young Christians to temptation. After all, humans are naturally curious—a tendency that Satan the Devil has long exploited. Satan certainly took advantage of Eve’s curiosity and ‘seduced her by his cunning.’—

Similarly, a young Christian could easily be seduced by unwholesome information if he is not determined to safeguard his spirituality. An article in Better Homes and Gardens explained: “The Internet is a bustling frontier where brilliant pioneers hawk the latest information; but pedophiles, scam artists, bigots, and other unsavory characters wander cyberspace too.”

A youth named Javier says: “Some Web sites are shocking. They can pop up without warning.” He adds: “They are trying to pull you in. They want to entice you—to get your money.” A young Christian named John admits: “Once you start looking at improper material, it’s hard to stop—it’s so addictive.” Some Christian youths have frequented unwholesome Web sites, and this has led them into more serious trouble. How can this be avoided?“

Seeing What Is Worthless: “Sometimes a Web-site address itself clearly indicates that the site contains objectionable material. Proverbs 22:3 warns: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.”

More commonly, though, the problem is that people may stumble upon an objectionable site purely by accident. The home page may contain lurid images that have been carefully designed to entice you into exploring the site—and returning to it over and over again!

Kevin describes what happened to one of his friends: “He had time on his hands and was curious. Viewing pornography soon became a pattern.”

Have you resolved what you will do if you stumble upon such a site? It is clear what a Christian should do: Leave the site immediately—or even shut down the Internet browser! Be like the psalmist who prayed: “Make my eyes pass on from seeing what is worthless.”  Remember that even if no other human is monitoring us, we are not unobserved. The Bible reminds us that all things are “openly exposed to the eyes of him with whom we have an accounting.”

Talking to your parents  can strengthen your resolve not to revisit unwholesome sites. After all, if you fell into quicksand, would you struggle until you were in it up to your neck before calling for help?

What About Association On-Line? Chat allows Internet users from all over the world to communicate instantaneously with one another. Businesses use it for on-line conferences and to provide customer service. Some chat rooms allow users to share information on technical matters, such as auto repair or computer programming. Some forms of chat allow friends and family members to communicate privately without the expense of long-distance telephone calls. Though there may be legitimate uses for this medium, are there any dangers?

There is a real need for caution when it comes to public chat rooms, for these can pose certain dangers. Writer Leah Rozen observed: “Techno-savvy teenagers are spending hours chatting online with anonymous strangers all over the country and, even, the world. Unfortunately, some of those strangers with whom teens may be talking online also happen to be adult perverts looking for sexual trysts with kids.” An article in Popular Mechanics warned that “you have to be extremely careful” when using public chat rooms. Giving out your name or address to a stranger could be an invitation to serious trouble! Why subject yourself to that danger?

A more subtle danger, though, lies in getting caught up in improper fellowship with strangers. Researchers say that much of the teen talk in chat rooms focuses on sexual issues. The Bible’s counsel thus, “Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits.” Another Bible  translation render that text as “An evil company corrupts good moral” Bad associations via a computer link are dangerous. Should a God-fearing youth recklessly expose himself or herself to such risks?

Safeguards: In view of the dangers that the Internet presents, it must be used with caution. Some families, for example, place the computer in a well-traveled area, such as the living room.They may also establish the rule that the Internet only be usedwhen others are at home. If your parents establish such restrictions, cooperate.  Clear guidelines are an evidence of their love. If schoolwork requires that you use the Internet, why not keep track of how much time you spend on-line? Try to decide in advance how much time you will spend, using an alarm clock to remind you when the time is up. Tom suggests: “Plan ahead, know exactly what you’re looking for, and stick to it—no matter how interesting other things look.”

Caution is also needed when it comes to the use of E-mail. Christian youths are careful not to get caught up in reading vast quantities of E-mail, especially if much of the information is frivolous or unfounded. Excessive use of E-mail can eat up valuable time needed for schoolwork and spiritual activities.

The Bible advise is, ”To the making of many books there is no end, and much devotion to them is wearisome to the flesh.” Those words could well apply to the Internet. So if you really need to use the Internet, make a firm decision to use it wisely. Avoid dangerous sites, and do not spend excessive time on-line. “Safeguard your heart,” and never become a slave of the Internet.

In summary, the use of computer, computer peripherals, computer gps, notebooks, printers, and other related technology, related to the information technology is a good leap in science for the convenience of humankind, it is not without danger though. Individual approach to using this modern innovation determines whether is a snare or service to him or her.

Fumi, a resident of a large African city, considers herself fortunate. At least she has a refrigerator. But her family’s home is just a metal shack erected alongside three marble tombs. Like half a million other residents, she lives in a huge cemetery. And even the cemetery is getting crowded. “Too many people moving in,” she complains, “especially here in the tombs.”

About ten miles [15 km] from her home lies an exclusive new housing complex, complete with elegant restaurants and a 27-hole golf course. The cost of one round of golf is more than the per capita monthly wage in this African country. Poverty has always plagued the city, but golf courses—a symbol of the elite—are both a novelty and an irritant. In our global neighborhood, luxury and penury coexist uneasily.

The Wadi Hadhramaut, which snakes through the arid land of Yemen in the Middle East, is an old caravan route dotted with ancient cities. At first glance it seems that time has stood still in this remote valley. But outward appearances can be deceptive. In the nearby city of Sayw?n, the museum has enlisted the help of a university graduate to prepare a Web site listing all its treasures. Although the graduate is a local girl, she studied in Ohio, U.S.A. Nowadays, both people and ideas can move around the globe as never before.

A couple of thousand miles to the west, in the Sahara, a convoy of three trucks crawls south on an isolated road. Mashala, one of the drivers, explains that he is transporting televisions, video recorders, and satellite dishes. He himself keeps in touch with world events by watching American news broadcasts. In my town “we all have satellite dishes,” he explains. Few places on earth escape the reach of the global media.

The constant worldwide flow of people, ideas, news, money, and technology has created a new global neighborhood that can bring benefits. Globalization helps propagate local culture in Yemen and enables Mashala to earn up to $3,000 for a three-week trip. But the money doesn’t filter down to everyone. Fatima and her neighbors watch a few people enjoy the benefits of globalization, while they stay stuck in poverty.

Although our global neighborhood is far from ideal, the process of global integration is probably irreversible. Will people turn off their TVs, throw away their mobile phones, destroy their computers, and stop traveling to other lands? Will nations try to isolate themselves completely from the rest of the world, politically and economically? It seems most unlikely. Nobody wants to discard the benefits of globalization. But what about the accompanying problems? They are causing increasing concern, and they touch the lives of everyone. Let us consider briefly a few of globalization’s more serious side effects.

The Widening Gap: The distribution of global wealth has never been fair, but economic globalization has widened the chasm between rich and poor. True, it appears that some developing countries have benefited from their integration into the global economy. Experts claim that during the past ten years, the number of people below the poverty line in India has gone down from 39 percent to 26 percent and that Asia as a whole has seen a similar improvement. One study shows that by 1998, only 15 percent of the East Asian population lived on $1 a day, compared with 27 percent ten years earlier. The global picture, however, is not so rosy.In sub-Saharan Africa and some other less-developed regions, income has actually decreased in the past 30 years. “The international community . . . allows nearly 3 billion people—almost half of all humanity—to subsist on $2 or less a day in a world of unprecedented wealth,” points out Kofi Annan, UN secretary-general. One of the major causes of this huge social divide is financial self-interest. “The world over, private financial markets fail when it comes to the very poor,” explains Larry Summers, former U.S. treasury secretary. “Mainstream banks do not seek out poor communities—because that’s not where the money is.”

The vast income divide between rich and poor segregates people and even countries from one another. Not long ago the fortune of the richest man in the United States surpassed the combined net worth of more than 100 million of his fellow Americans. Globalization has also favored the growth of rich multinational companies that have practically taken over the world market for certain products. In 1998, for example, just ten companies controlled 86 percent of the $262-billion telecommunications business. The economic clout of these multinationals often exceeds that of governments and, as Amnesty International points out, “human rights and labour rights are not a priority on their agenda.”

Human rights organizations are understandably worried about the concentration of the world’s wealth in the hands of a privileged few. Would you like to live in a neighborhood where the richest 20 percent earn 74 times more than the poorest? And thanks to television, the impoverished 20 percent of mankind know perfectly well how their rich counterparts live, although they see little chance of improving their own lot. Such gross unfairness in the global neighborhood clearly sows many seeds of unrest and frustration.

The Globalization of Culture: Another area of concern involves clashes of culture and the spread of materialistic values. The interchange of ideas is an important feature of globalization, and nothing symbolizes this phenomenon more than the Internet. Unfortunately, the Internet is not merely used to spread beneficial information, culture, and commerce. Some Web sites promote pornography, racism, or gambling. A few even give specific instructions on how to make homemade bombs. As Thomas L. Friedman points out, “on the Internet, trouble is just a few mouse clicks away. You can wander into a virtual neo-Nazi beer hall or pornographer’s library, . . . and no one is there to stop or direct you.”

Television and films also have an enormous influence on how people think. The messages on the world’s screens often come out of Hollywood, the world’s principal factory of make-believe. The values that this vast entertainment industry reflects often promote materialism, violence, or immorality. They may be totally alien to the local culture of many countries of the world. Nevertheless, governments, educators, and parents invariably find it impossible to hold back the tide.

“We love U.S. culture,” explained a resident of Havana, Cuba, to a North American visitor. “[We] know all your Hollywood stars.” Western culture also promotes fast food and soft drinks. A Malaysian businessman observed: “Anything Western, especially American, people here love. . . . They want to eat it and be it.” The rector of a Havana College sadly acknowledged: “Cuba is no longer an island. There are no islands anymore. There is only one world.”

Invasive Western culture affects people’s hopes and desires. “‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ has shifted from striving to match the consumption of a next-door neighbour to pursuing the life styles of the rich and famous depicted in movies and television shows,” noted the Human Development Report 1998. Obviously, the vast majority of mankind will never attain such a life-style.

YOU may never have heard of the Brazilian town of Ouro Prêto, but in the 18th century, its population was three times larger than was that of New York City, and its revenues once provided the funds to rebuild the earthquake-leveled city of Lisbon in Portugal. In 1980, the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization added Ouro Prêto to the World Heritage List, now including nearly 700 sites that excel in cultural and natural value. Why was Ouro Prêto given this status? Consider the history of this unique town.

A Golden Drink During the first half of the 17th century, scores of Portuguese explorers, called bandeirantes, scouted Brazil in search of new land, Indian slaves, and gold. One expedition pushed inland until it reached Itacolomi Mountain. There, Duarte Lopes approached a brook to quench his thirst. He scooped some water into his wooden bowl and drank. Then he noticed small black stones in the bowl.

Lopes sold the gem stones to a friend who, suspecting that they were valuable, sent them to the governor of Rio de Janeiro. We all know that gemstone are use for product of jewelry like wedding rings, engagement rings, diamond rings, pendants etc.  On examining the stones, the governor saw that they were of the finest gold covered by a thin, black layer of iron oxide. But where did the gold come from? As soon as Lopes described Itacolomi, the search was on. In 1698, bandeirante Antônio Dias de Oliveira found the mountain from which it had come. At breakneck pace, gold hunters rushed to an encampment near the find, later called Vila Rica. Before long, Vila Rica had 80,000 inhabitants. In time, it became the capital of Minas Gerais and was named Ouro Prêto, meaning “Black Gold.”

Black Gold Turns RedBetween 1700 and 1820, prospectors mined 1,200 tons of gold—80 percent of the gold produced worldwide during that time. But where did all that gold go? Mined gold was cast into bars at the Casa dos Contos, or House of Coinage. After that, one fifth of the gold, the levied tax, ended up in the treasure chest of Portugal’s royal family.

The colonists opposed the tax. One of them was Felipe dos Santos, who roused miners, military men, and church members against the Portuguese Crown. But the Portuguese fought back. In 1720, dos Santos was hanged and his body was dragged through the streets by horses. The miners went back to the pits, and the taxes continued to rise.

However, this was only a temporary stop to rebellion. Later in the same century came Joaquim da Silva Xavier, nicknamed Tiradentes, meaning “tooth puller”—a reference to one of his jobs. He was among a group of poets, jurists, and military men of Ouro Prêto who met regularly in the house of Toledo, a priest. At first, the conversations were mostly philosophical banter, but then they switched to the politics of those days. Later their conversations turned rebellious when the group discussed, in whispered tones, the suffocating demands of the Portuguese Crown. Portugal’s queen, Dona Maria I, had warned that rebels would be beheaded. Nevertheless, in 1788, Tiradentes, then a military ensign, took the lead in the Inconfidência Mineira, or the Rebellion of the State of Minas Gerais.

A spy disclosed the names of the conspirators. One by one, they were arrested and exiled to Africa to die. Tiradentes languished in a humid prison cell in Rio de Janeiro until he was hanged and beheaded on April 21, 1792. Tiradentes’ head was displayed on a post in Ouro Prêto’s city square, and his quartered limbs were staked along several roads. For the time being, this discouraged any potential rebels. But three decades later, in 1822, Brazil gained its independence from Portugal.

Treasures of Art, History, and Religion: In time, Ouro Prêto’s gold ran out, and then its importance declined. But the town retained some artifacts and other reminders of its history. Some of these are easily found in the Inconfidência Museum, located at Praça Tiradentes. Formerly used as a town hall and prison, the museum keeps the memories of art, history, and the town’s tragedy alive.

The displays include Tiradentes’ death warrant, issued by Dona Maria I, and pieces of the gallows used for his execution. Under masonry slabs, laid out in a row like beds in a dormitory, are buried the remains of some of Tiradentes’ fellow conspirators. On another floor the rooms safeguard antique, colonial, and imperial furnishings.

Gemstone Utopia: A walk to the upper end of Praça Tiradentes leads to another treasure chest—the Governor’s Palace, which used to accommodate governors and State presidents. Presently, it houses the Escola de Minas, a school for advanced studies in mine engineering, geology, and metallurgy. The school’s museum majestically showcases an outstanding collection of 20,000 samples of 3,000 different types of minerals, gemstones, crystals and, of course, ouro prêto, black gold.

Gold is no longer a major resource today. Nevertheless, the region continues to yield aquamarine and emerald beryls and yellow imperial topaz. Some 50 years ago, the art of gem cutting was known only to a handful of experts. But today there are clusters of free-lance gem hunters and jewelry stores around Praça Tiradentes. The store managers will not only give you a lesson in identifying the gemstones but also introduce you to the gem cutters and polishers working in the back rooms. They, in turn, are pleased to show you how the cutting is done. This gesture of hospitality reflects the townsfolk’s feeling of being privileged to live in a town with a fascinating history. Next time you put on the treasured jewelry of your, such as the engagement ring from a beloved, the gift of earrings, bracelet, charms/pendant, diamond and other ornaments, remember the ‘black gold’.

King  Solomon in the Bible likened the human body to a house with windows and doors. Centuries later, the Christian Apostle Paul called it “this dwelling house.”  Like a house, your body needs proper care if you are to get full benefit from it.

2 What kind of housekeeper are you when it comes to caring for yourself physically? Do you appreciate the body you have? You should, for the human body is truly a masterpiece among all earth’s creations. Your body is more complex than any computer or mechanical device ever invented. Yet it is smooth-working, wonderfully efficient and extremely flexible. It is staggering to think how all the bones, muscles, blood vessels, the network of nerve systems, plus all the other organs and parts of the human organism, function together harmoniously as one unit. As the apostle Paul wrote, though having many members, “the body is one.” We do well to remember that and to realize also the truth of his statement that, “if one member suffers, all the other members suffer with it.” Yes, despite its billions of cells, the body is a unit. If you want to get the best out of your youth and your whole life, you cannot afford to neglect any part of your body. You need to take care of you body having adequate water intake, that will nourish your skin, you also need water to clean you body so as not to have offensive odor when you come close to other, you also need to use good completion lotion, cream and soap to enhance the good look of your body. We can enhance our God given body by moderate use of the following: Deoderant, perfume or fragrance, cosmetics such as beauty sets, brightening skin cleanser, Blemish anti-ance serum or cream, blemish drying lotion, pell of beauty face mask, clear pore strip, facial cleansing cloth, pore shrinking gel or toner, use of pedicure tools, hand lotion, body creams and lotion, revitalizing body cream, skin care products, hair care products,  make-up, and  use of personal ornament such as jewelry: diamond and gold rings, earrings for the ladies, bracelets, charms and pendant etc.  The list is endless.  Moderate use of the above  body caring product can make us have some degree of self carriage and confidence.  But  as I alway say, the inner qualities of any man or woman give us more personal charm  than the superficial look.  For Christian, the God we  serve is a holy and clean God, therefore we need to take care of our body very well because cleaniness is next to Godliness.

3 But there is a better, higher reason for wanting to give your body the best care you can. That is so you can use it to bring honor to your Creator, as well as to your parents, and to bring good to your neighbor. A house poorly cared for brings no credit to the architect or the builder. A house that is run-down, unclean or that gives off offensive odors adversely affects all the surrounding neighborhood. The same is true with us if we fail to care properly for ourselves physically.

4 The Bible principle that ‘we reap what we sow’ is true in our care of the body. The “harvest” can be good or bad, depending on us. And a person does not have to wait until he or she is aged to begin reaping. It starts much, much sooner, sometimes very early in life.

5 It is not just a matter of trying to avoid “getting sick.” You should want to enjoy that feeling of well-being that contributes to happiness, to good work, to clear thinking, and that helps to make you an agreeable person to be around. What, then, are some of the things that merit regular attention?

^{6.The Value of Balance Diet: The food you eat does much more than just provide energy. It provides the building materials your body needs to maintain itself. Carbohydrates, such as are found in sugar, bread and potatoes, give you energy. But what if your diet is almost entirely of such things? What if you were to try to get by on soft drinks and candy? Your body would begin to suffer from lack of the materials needed to make daily repairs.}

7 You regularly need proteins, such as are found in milk, cheese, beans, meat and fish. Without them your muscles soon become soft and flabby, and growth is retarded. You need minerals, for without them your teeth will soon deteriorate and your bones will weaken. Leafy vegetables are rich in minerals. You need vitamins, because these are chemical regulators of the body and they protect the body against certain diseases. Fruits and cereals are major sources of vitamins. And you need plenty of water, for it forms the basis for your blood and all your tissue fluids.

8 Not just when you are sixty or seventy, but right in your teens you can reap the results of good diet or bad diet. Research has shown, for example, that when students were given an improved diet their learning capacity also improved. Poor diet generally results in poor work and makes people more accident-prone. It quickly robs the body of a healthy appearance and natural beauty.

9. Cleanliness Contribute To Health:  Just as we get far more enjoyment out of living in a clean house, so, too, we get more enjoyment out of life if we keep our bodies clean. Regular bathing is refreshing and healthful. Your body comes in constant contact with microscopic germs, in the air and in the things you handle. Some of these can bring disease. Soap acts as a germicide to kill these, while water serves to wash them away. Your hands especially need frequent attention, for they handle your food and with them you may touch other persons or handle things they use.

10 You not only feel better when you keep yourself clean; you also make life more pleasant for those who see you or come near you. If you see a house that is dirty and unkempt, what opinion do you form of the people living in it? So, too, people tend to judge you by your appearance. Dirt on your face, in your ears, on your neck, in your hair, on your hands or under your fingernails can hinder you in gaining others’ friendship and esteem. Also, you will have more self-respect if you keep yourself clean.

11 The body perspires, even when one does not do a lot of exercise or work. If perspiration accumulates, it can cause your body to have an unpleasant odor. Regular bathing, washing under the arms and similar places, helps to make you a more enjoyable person to be around. Cleanliness, along with good diet, also contributes toward a better, clearer complexion.

12 The teeth are a particular area needing attention. Food particles may lodge between them or on them. The acids these particles give off attack the enamel of your teeth. After repeated attacks, sometimes within a matter of months, the hard enamel is penetrated and decay sets in. Or you may develop an inflammation of the gums that can, in time, cause the teeth to loosen. You may lose some of them. Decayed or missing teeth detract from your appearance.

13 A clean mouth is also a safeguard against offensive breath. Drinking several glasses of water daily helps. Remember, your mouth is somewhat like the door or entrance of a house. If the appearance of the house and odors coming from the door are not good, people will tend to shy away.

14 While not going to extremes (as some persons do in this matter), God’s Word the Bible encourages and teaches cleanliness. Clean hands and freshly bathed bodies are often used to stand for one’s being spiritually clean and pure. And the apostle Paul exhorted: “Let us cleanse ourselves of every defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in God’s fear.”  Are we clean inside, in our hearts and minds? Then should we not strive to be clean outside as well?

^{15. Need For Adequate Rest: During each day millions of the body’s cells break down and need to be replaced. Your body builds up certain wastes that collect in the muscles, especially as the result of work and exercise. These wastes are what give you a tired feeling. Your body must have sufficient rest if it is to rid itself of the accumulated wastes and also be able to produce new cells to keep your body in good shape and repair. Your central nervous system and your brain, too, need rest. These simply cannot relax unless you sleep.}

16 Being young, you may feel that you can get along with little sleep. But youthful vigor and energy can be deceptive. They can mask the symptoms of serious damage that may be developing due to insufficient rest. Actually, a young person’s growing body needs more sleep than that of an adult, not less. Lack of sleep impairs thinking and increases forgetfulness. It slows down one’s alertness and the body’s reflexes. It can make you tense, restless, irritable and hard to get along with. This is especially true under conditions of pressure and stress.

17 So, cooperate with your body by giving it the rest it needs. When your parents instruct you to be in bed at a certain hour, realize the rightness of their guidance. By your getting sufficient sleep each night, the quality and speed of your work will improve. You will find life more pleasant and will have fewer complaints.

^{18 If we appreciate the gift of life we enjoy in our bodies, then we should use them to the honor of our Maker and also to that of His Son, who gave his life that we might gain eternal life. We should never misuse or neglect our bodies due to mere carelessness or stupidity or for selfish reasons. This would show lack of respect for the One to whom we owe our lives. Rather, let us follow the Bible admonition: “Whether you are eating or drinking or doing anything else, do all things for God’s glory.” He will richly reward and bless you for the appreciation you show for his loving provisions.}

WHAT qualities do girls like best in boys? “Confidence,” says a teenager named Lucy. Harry, another teen, puts being funny at the top of her list. And what do boys most value in girls? Not surprisingly, one survey showed that good looks topped their list. Similar interests and values were listed sixth.

Articles and surveys that discuss boy/girl relationships are popular fare in youth-oriented magazines. Clearly, many young people think a lot about—or perhaps even worry about—how the opposite sex views them. Maybe you even worry about that yourself sometimes. Not that you’re ready to get married anytime soon. It’s just that no one wants to be unattractive or undesirable! Tyler observes: “When you’re a teenager, you want to be attractive to everyone. You want to be acceptable to your peers, male and female.” Also, you may feel that someday you want to find a good marriage mate. When that time comes, naturally you will want to be able to attract such a person.Many consider enhancing their body by using cosmetics.  Others also use skin toning or skin lightening cream to appear beautiful to the opposite sex. However, many of these skin altering creams on the long run has adverse effect on their skin.  While skin care may not totally be condemn as wrong, moderation is important. Many young ones and adult alike, use of fragrance, make them smell good.  But caution is the selection of fragrance is needed.  People differ in taste as to the use of fragrance, many  people desires application of fragrance to mild and as a consequence, generous use of fragrance is considered offensive. Apart from skin care, use of good hair product, hair creams, and other cosmetics product used in moderation can be considered appropriate. When people smell good, have good hair groom, and dress with moderate apparel and atire as the case may be, they are considered attrative and somehow resulting in personal confidence.

However, as a Christian youth, you may not have had a lot of experience in dealing with the opposite sex. Add to that the pressure you may feel from your peers to be physically attractive. With the parade of supermodels and muscle-bound actors you see on TV and in magazines, it’s no wonder that you may feel insecure and inadequate! What, then, does it take to be appealing to others—including those of the opposite sex—in a healthy, positive way?

The Folly of Hoping for the “Perfect” Body:  Clinical psychologist William S. Pollack observes that under the influence of the entertainment industry, many young people “are spending countless hours dieting, pumping iron, and doing aerobic exercise, all in an effort to transform the size and shape of their bodies.” Some are even going to dangerous extremes, such as virtually starving themselves, in order to achieve that “perfect” body. Yet, says the Social Issues Research Centre: “The current media ideal for women is achievable by less than 5% of the female population—and that’s just in terms of weight and size. If you want the ideal shape, face etc., it’s probably more like 1%.”

The Bible’s advice at Romans 12:2 is thus practical: “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” (Phillips) This doesn’t mean, though, that you should be oblivious to how you look. It only makes sense to take care of your body through moderate exercise and a balanced diet.  Proper rest and sleep can also help you to look and feel your best. At the same time, give attention to your hygiene and personal grooming. A British youth named David observes: “There is a girl who is quite attractive, but she has an odor problem. People avoid her because of this.” So bathe often. Clean hands, hair, and fingernails can enhance your appearance.

Although the Bible discourages putting too much emphasis on what you wear, it does advise Christians “to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind.”  Wear clothes that enhance your looks but that are not outrageous or immodest. Reasonable attention to your appearance can boost your self-confidence. A youth named Paul puts it this way: “You might not have the greatest looks, but you can work with what you’ve got.”

Inner Qualities: While a pleasant face and physique may attract attention, in the long run “beauty is a bubble.” (Proverbs 31:30, Byington) Good looks tend to be short-lived, and they are certainly no substitute for attractive personal qualities.  Remember, too, that “mere man sees what appears to the eyes; but as for God, he sees what the heart is.” So instead of focusing all your attention on your waistline or your biceps, work on adorning yourself with “the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God.”  True, in today’s world many youths may have little regard for admirable personality traits—much less for spiritual qualities. But those who have godly values do appreciate them and find them attractive!

The best way, then, to be attractive to spiritually-minded Christian men and women is to be spiritually-minded yourself. Cultivate your spirituality through prayer, personal study of the Bible, and attendance at Christian meetings. Nevertheless, there are other useful skills and traits you can develop. You do not need to date or be in a romantic relationship to cultivate these traits. Rather, you can practice them in your everyday dealings with others.

For example, are you awkward and shy around the opposite sex? A youth named Paul admits: “Sometimes I feel uncomfortable—because they’re girls, and I don’t understand girls as much as I do guys. And I don’t want to embarrass myself.” How can you develop the confidence and poise that will put others at ease? One way is to take advantage of the wide variety of association available in the Christian congregational meeting. Learning to deal well with such a variety of people will help you to develop self-confidence.

People are attracted to someone who uses kind, tactful speech and who shows consideration for others. “A welcoming set of manners is like a passport, allowing freedom and access to people,” observes Dr. T. Berry Brazelton. Manners “are essential to gaining the acceptance of others.”

Customs and rules of etiquette vary around the world. So you may want to observe how mature Christian men and women treat one another. For example, is it customary in your country for a man to hold a door open for a woman? Then learning to extend this courtesy will enhance your reputation as a poised, mannerly person.

Finally, you may find it helpful to cultivate a balanced sense of humor. The Bible says that there is “a time to laugh,” and a person who has a sense of humor often makes friends easily

Friendly Versus Flirtatious:  One self-proclaimed “guide to dating success” advised that the secret to attracting the opposite sex is to flirt. Readers were told to practice smiling and making eye contact and to perfect ‘opening lines.’ Such advice goes contrary to the spirit of Paul’s counsel to Timothy to treat members of the opposite sex “with all chasteness.”

Although flirting may build one’s own ego, it is insincere and dishonest. You don’t have to flirt or be coy to carry on an interesting conversation. Nor do you have to ask embarrassing or inappropriate questions to learn how the opposite sex feels and thinks. Stick to talking about things that are ‘righteous, chaste, and lovable,’ and you will show that you are well on the way to developing into a mature, spiritually-minded man or woman. Your obedience to godly principles will make you attractive not only to the opposite sex but to God himself.